Boundaries · 2 min read
Setting healthy boundaries
Boundaries are decisions about what you will and won't do. They can protect your wellbeing, your safety and your finances, and they can make your relationship more honest, even when they feel uncomfortable to set.
A boundary is about you, not them
You can't control another person's drinking or drug use. A boundary focuses on your own actions: "I won't lend money any more" rather than "You have to stop spending money on drugs."
Keep it specific and realistic
Vague boundaries are hard to hold. Think about what exactly you will do, when, and whether you can genuinely follow through, even when you're tired or upset.
Explain it calmly
Choose a calm moment to share a boundary. You don't need to justify it at length. A short, kind explanation is often enough.
Expect it to be tested
It's common for boundaries to be challenged, particularly at first. Holding them consistently, without anger, is what makes them meaningful. If you need to change a boundary, you can, but try to do so deliberately rather than under pressure.
Key considerations
- Boundaries around safety, especially where children are involved, should never be negotiable.
- Setting a boundary does not mean you love someone less.
- You may feel guilty at first. That feeling often eases with time and support.
Suggested next steps
- Use the boundary-setting worksheet to draft one boundary.
- Think about who can support you to hold it.
- Review how it's working after a few weeks.
Further reading from trusted sources
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