Conversations · 2 min read
How to talk to someone about addiction
Raising your worries with someone you love can feel daunting. You might fear an argument, rejection or making things worse. There is no perfect script, but some approaches tend to make honest conversation more likely.
Choose the moment carefully
Try to talk when the person is sober, when neither of you is rushed, and somewhere private. Conversations in the middle of an argument, or straight after an incident, are much more likely to become heated.
Speak from your own experience
Describing what you've noticed and how it has affected you is usually easier to hear than labels or accusations. "I was worried when you didn't come home on Friday" tends to land differently from "You're an addict."
Listen as much as you speak
Ask open questions and give them space to answer. You don't have to agree with everything they say, and you don't need to win the conversation. Feeling heard can make someone more willing to come back to the subject later.
Expect that it may take more than one conversation
Denial, defensiveness and minimising are common responses. That doesn't mean the conversation failed. You've shown that you've noticed, that you care, and that the door is open.
Key considerations
- Avoid ultimatums you aren't prepared to follow through.
- If there is any risk of violence, put your safety first and consider talking to a specialist service before raising the subject.
- Children shouldn't be present for these conversations.
- It's okay to stop the conversation if it becomes unsafe or unproductive.
Suggested next steps
- Fill in the difficult conversation planner.
- Decide on two or three specific, recent examples you could mention.
- Arrange support for yourself afterwards, however the conversation goes.
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